Goose hunting

Noclouds · November 20th, 2005, 06:06 PM

Goose Hunting

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese. He catches one and puts it in his bag with the other geese. Just as he closes the bag, a Hunting Inspector walks up.
"Sir, can I please see that bag?" he asks. "Sure," says the hunter and hands the bag over.

The Inspector looks through the bag, pulls out one goose, and sticks his finger up its ass. He pulls it out, smells it and says, "This here's a Virginia goose, do you have a Virginia Hunting License?"

The hunter looks through his wallet and pulls out it and shows it to the inspector. The inspector nods and sticks his hand in the bag and pulls out another goose.

He sticks his finger up it's ass and says, "This here's a Maine goose, do you have a Maine Hunting License?"

The hunter looks again through his wallet, pulls out the card, and shows it to the inspector. He nods again, and pulls out the last goose. He does the routine and says, "This here is a Rhode Island goose, do you have a Rhode Island Hunting License?"

The hunter fishes through his wallet, shows the card to the inspector and puts it back in.

"Boy," you having all these licenses, where you from?" asks the Inspector.

The hunter pulls down his pants and asks, "Why don't you find out?"

*LOL* remind me NEVER to ask you where you are from

Noclouds · November 20th, 2005, 06:14 PM

care for another one?*eg

Three Kicks

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer?s field on the other side of a fence. As he climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, ?I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I?m going to retrieve it.?

The old farmer replied, ?This is my property, and you are not coming over here.?

The indignant lawyer said, ?I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and if you don?t let me get that duck, I?ll sue you and take everything you own.?

The old farmer smiled and said, ?Apparently, you don?t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.?

The lawyer asked, ?What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule??

The farmer replied, ?Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.?

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer?s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man?s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer?s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, ?Okay, you old coot! Now, it?s my turn!?

The old farmer smiled and said, ?No, I give up. You can have the duck!?

Noclouds · November 20th, 2005, 06:22 PM

I can't resist this one *LMAO

Get Away From my Deer!

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, ?What are you up to?? Alice smiles, ?I'm going hunting with you!? Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.
They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: ?If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.? Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.

But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, ?Get away from my deer!? Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, ?Get away from my deer!? followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, ?Okay, lady, okay!You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!?

CanadianGirl · November 20th, 2005, 06:30 PM

someone is missing wild...LOL

Noclouds · November 22nd, 2005, 05:50 AM

*lol* that must be quite THE story,eh?

**Father Dave** · November 22nd, 2005, 04:10 PM

did i ever tell ya'll about the night i shot an elephant in my pajamas???

how he got in my pajama's -i'll never figure out!!

sincerely!

**wildnthewind** · November 23rd, 2005, 01:12 AM

ROFLMAO... Those were great!

Yep I'm back from the hunt... For all those PETA peeps, you'll be glad to know I MISSED for the very first time-not once but twice.LOL Guess it wasn't meant to be.. I'm goin' back and try to harvest one [img]tongue.gif[/img] this weekend..

Noclouds · November 23rd, 2005, 12:59 PM

Glad ya liked the jokes, I shall hunt for more [img]wink.gif[/img]

I'm not really into hunting but I do know that a selection by mankind is neccesary and important in areas where a natural selection isn't possible.